Karen and Bill (not real name/photo)
Two months ago, I couldn’t get online. Lynda’s computer was working and my iPhone had perfect reception but my computer wasn’t finding our home network. So after a few minutes of frustration I decided I didn’t want to waste anymore time and jump online with tech support. I know telephone tech support can be hit or miss but I had always gotten wonderful service from our internet provider so I knew I could get this issue resolved quickly and easily. Sure enough, within five minutes of sharing the problem and making a few system checks I discovered that my Wi-Fi switch was off. Once I turned it back on, I was back connected to my cyber friends. An added benefit was that now I knew what was wrong, I know what to do if it happens again.
That’s where the idea for HelpTalking.com started. As the executive director of a non-profit organization called OC Marriage, I had been implementing a phone coaching program to follow up our Marriage Education class. It was clear that going to one workshop was not going to transform people’s lives, so we were following up with weekly phone coaching sessions that enable our couples to practice their skills. After a short time of watching couples move deeply through extremely difficult topics, I realized that any couple could benefit from this kind of phone support.
For a moment remember your best phone tech support experience. Wasn’t it nice to have someone online who knew what to do? How was it hearing a friendly voice when maybe you were feeling frustrated and confused? What I appreciated was being able to talk with someone who could work with me step by step at my pace. And best of all it happened over the phone from the comfort of my own home.
Now imagine having those same resources for your relationships, with your girl friend or boy friend, husband or wife, or maybe with a family member or a friend. How cool would it be to be able to call on your own or preferably with that other person and be able to have a professional there to help the two of you deal with a problem?
Karen is a perfect example of what I am talking about. Karen came home from a trip and found her son’s suitcase lying in the entry hall opened but not unpacked. He had gotten home a day before and her husband Bill did nothing to put things away. She was furious that everything fell on her. Bill was frustrated at his wife because he didn’t see clearing up their son’s stuff as either of their responsibilities. He wanted her to let their son clean it up himself. They were trapped and unable to talk.
After 45 minutes of a being coached through their conflict, both were feeling connected and each had a better understanding of their feelings, and also their partners. Karen had been able to express long standing feelings of resentment. Bill expressed feeling inadequate about himself and that was why he had closed down and refused to deal with the mess. Once both felt heard and understood, they were both able to make commitments of cooperation and teamwork. It was a beautiful thing!
Are you ready to talk through your issues, feelings, and needs? Make an appointment with our professional support staff and express yourselves in a way that brings you closer.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Great idea for our generation and the world we live in! It will be faster and easier to break through a communication blockage for couples and I think individuals will find this type of phone coaching to be a more approachable and acceptable way to resolve conflict versus the traditional psychotherapy office visit.
Chris you are too kind. Thank you for your praise. I am glad to help. What makes it all worth while for me is when I make a difference, and I am so pleased I was able to help the two of you.
It’s true this is breakthrough, but an appointment still has to be made. What is very different however is that it is one call and the issue is handled right then and there. Not the protracted approach of traditional psychotherapy.
What a wonderful break-out idea for relationship counseling! People will be able to get help immediately, instead of waiting for an appointment with a therapist sometime in the future. This offer of immediacy could also help defuse a situation before it escalates out of control in which things are said or done, that may cause irreparable damage to the relationship.
Help talking is a wonderful idea. I remember struggling in my own marriage a few years ago. It was complicated by the fact that I worked in Phoenix AZ and my husband was in Orange County CA. We just weren’t communicating (and weren’t giving a lot of time to each other due to the physical distance). Brett was instrumental in getting us back on track. He counseled with my husband in his office and I was able to have a weekly “coaching” session over the telephone. I truly believed there was no hope for this relationship and that it would end up in divorce. By the Grace of God and invaluable help from Brett, we were able to salvage our marriage and our relationship. What a wonderful thing you do, Brett.
This would definitely help during those times when the only recourse seems to be a stalemate ~ which then breeds only more resentment and anger. And, the originating problem is not being resolved … the suitcase is still on the ground where he left it because mom and dad aren’t talking to each other!
Cool new idea.