Lynda, my wife, is an educator and she is always creating new tools to use in the classroom. One such instrument is a rubric. Lynda tells me, “It makes something that is subjective more objective.” What that means is when a teacher wants a student to understand the difference between an “A” and a “B”, he/she will create a worksheet that has all the different criteria on it. The instructor then sometimes places number values which will clarify things. “If the work is not readable it gets zero points, if the writing is sloppy it gets one point, and if the student uses their best penmanship then it will get two points”, would be a simple example.
Well, as she was using this internet tool to create rubrics the thought came to me about creating a rubric for couples to use to give a grade or a score to their relationship. Marriage can be very subjective and difficult to comprehend what is needed to kept the relationship thriving. So I started thinking about creating a relationship rubric.
Here’s how it works. Each of you will fill out your own rubric focusing on your own behavior. If you would like you can complete a second rubric evaluating your partner’s performance. The way you will score the sheet is by looking at the categories on the left column, and then read from left to right finding which box best describes your conduct in that area, later you can evaluate your partner. Looking at the picture below and you will see physical affection is our first row.
If you are not very “touchy feely”, defined by only one hug or kiss a day, then you will get zero points. Remember this entire test is based on the principle that love and attention are the same, so we are evaluating how much physical attention you bring to your partner. If you are continually making contact, seven to ten touches every day, then you would score yourself with a three.
Now once you have gone through every row, on the right hand side I want you to add up your score. Zero points indicate you are a low performer in your relationship. One to six is a below average effort. Scores of seven to twelve indicates an average or slightly above average effort. While, scores in the range of thirteen to eighteen is indicative of someone who is exemplary in their level of effort and participation in their relationship.
Remember to use our Relationship Tech Support if this test or any of our materials creates conflict that needs to be addressed. You can also look at You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Marriage- Love Based Solutions for couples, to get more information about love and attention. The book outlines the need for attention in our relationship, and the consequence if attention is not provided. Hope this helps, and I will talk with you soon.
